Asking Permission

It is one of the first things I teach, and one of the easiest to forget. In any spiritual growth it is easy to lose sight of what you learned at the beginning, and I have had my own reminders. When I came back to this work after time away, I was gently reminded that it matters to ask permission before sharing what you pick up. I had known it since the beginning. I still needed reminding.

So this page is the reminder, for you and for me.

Respect comes first

Respect for others is a fundamental part of spirituality. Every other reason on this page grows out of that one.

A person's body, their energy and their life belong to them. The fact that you can sense something in them, or send something to them, does not give you the right to do either. The right comes from them saying yes.

Asking before you share

As your abilities develop you will pick things up from the people you work with, especially if you are doing healing work with them. Sometimes a great deal. Some of it will be lovely. Some of it will be hard to hear.

Here is the part beginners miss. Just because someone has come to you for healing does not mean they are ready to hear things.

So when you pick something up, say something like this to them:

"I am picking up a lot of information. Some of it may be confronting for you. Would you like me to share it with you?"

Then wait for the answer.

Getting that permission will often open a floodgate. Once the person has said yes, the information tends to flow far more freely, as though it was waiting for the door to be opened from their side.

If they say no, hold onto what you picked up. Do not slip it in sideways later in the conversation, and do not drop hints. Chances are they will ask you about it at some later point, when they are ready, and then you can share it.

Some people live with a great deal of fear. Facing that stuff before they are prepared for it can cause them problems they did not need, and you will have caused them.

Asking before you heal

The same rule applies to the healing itself, and this one I learned the slow way.

When I first started out I had a deep need to help others and to heal as many people as I could. I felt I could see what people needed in order to heal, and that if I just told them, they would be healed. What I did not take into account was whether they were ready, or whether they even saw a need for that change.

It never worked. And on top of that, I would end up frustrated with myself, convinced I had just approached it the wrong way and needed a better angle. Reaching out to people to heal them almost never works, and it leaves you both feeling less than you were before.

My deep need to heal is still there. My approach is very different now.

1. I wait for people to ask.
2. Sometimes I will say that I can help, if they would like help. I never go beyond that offer unless they ask.
3. When they ask, I offer some tools to begin their healing.
4. Then I wait, and watch what effort they put into those tools.
5. If they make no effort, it simply means they are not really motivated to heal yet. That is their right. It is their life.
6. If they make a strong effort, I return with the same energy and help them.

You cannot help someone with an addiction until they make the strong effort to walk away from it themselves. The same is true of people holding onto any of life's challenges.

Asking of whatever does the healing

There is a second permission.

When you heal through the crown, the energy that does the work is not yours. It comes from above you and passes through you. The Healing Through the Crown page explains why. So you ask that, too, out loud or silently, before you begin. Then wait. You will get an answer, and sometimes the answer is no, and no means no.

The same applies when you send energy to someone at a distance, which the Projecting Energy page covers. If you cannot ask the person directly, ask inwardly and wait for the answer before you send anything.

The energy that heals is universe energy of complete unconditional love. Keep that clear in your mind, because it is also why I am so firm that you never invite a spirit to attach to you, not even to see what happens. Any spirit that wants to attach to you is never doing it for your highest good. A spirit with your highest good at heart will only ever want to pass on information. It will never ask to move in.

What happens when you do not ask

Energy sent at somebody who has not agreed to receive it is interference, however loving you meant it to be. It does not land the way you hoped, and it tends to come back on you in ways you will not enjoy.

Information shared before someone is ready can cause them problems they did not need, especially if they live with a lot of fear.

Healing pushed on someone who did not ask for it almost never works, as I found out.

And there is a quieter cost. A healer who does not ask is a healer who has decided they know better than the person in front of them. That is the beginning of the rescuer, and the Helping or Rescuing page in The Inner Work is about exactly that trap.

Permission for practice

When I ask for a practice read, I ask for a volunteer, because it is important to have permission. The same goes for you. If you want to practise reading or healing, find willing people, tell them what you are doing, and let them say no if they want to. Practising on a stranger who never agreed is still doing it without permission.

One more permission

Healing of every kind sits beside medical care, never in place of it. Asking someone's permission includes respecting the treatment they have chosen with their doctor. If they are under care, your work goes alongside it.

Then there is your own permission. A lot of us spend our lives waiting for someone else to say we are allowed to be who we are, and the Give Yourself Permission to Be Free post says what I think about that. Ask the people you work with. Ask what does the healing. And give yourself the same respect you are giving them.

If you would like this read against your own chart, my readings are here.

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Clearing Negative Energy